Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
