I'm jealous of your bromance
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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