"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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