Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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