pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
