I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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