just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We need to get me chipped asap
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
