Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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