So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
