As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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