That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
