just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
