the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
