drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
