why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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