pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Screwed.edu
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
