Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
