Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
