i wish my penis had a tongue
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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