I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Me. At least after what I've been through.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize