Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
