Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize