Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
