im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
