Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
