she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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