I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
