Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
