if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
