May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the day after is always just damage control
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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