Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
