It's like God shit irony all over that family
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
