Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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