I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
