This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
