I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drunk is a universal language darling
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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