you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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