my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
