in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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