You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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