if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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