What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
