Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No stitches, just platelets and will power
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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