no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
