dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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