how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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