I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
