you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
