Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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