The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
