Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
