woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
