he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
