There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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