had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
