I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
