I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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