rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize