Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
