We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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