I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
