Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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