I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Randomize
