I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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