i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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