yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
