She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
