The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
