I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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