i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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