Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize