You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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