Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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