maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
