VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
