He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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