Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
