it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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