You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
