i already hear my dad disowning me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
