Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
