Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
